From Forgiveness to Freedom

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    So often I have heard people say "I know I have to forgive, so God will forgive me".  This belief is generally thought to be related to Matthew 6:12, 14 - 15.

    Believing that God's love and forgiveness is based on who he is and not on who I am or what I do, I decided to look at  this scripture from its original language: Greek/Hebrew. 
 

Matthew 6: 14 - 15:

For if you forgive men when they trespass against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses your Father will not forgive you.

Forgive - to disregard or separate from (Thayer’s Greek Lexicon)
‘Heavenly’ is not used in the second part of the scripture, reminding us of the relational aspect of God as our parent.

Understanding Matthew 6:14 and 15:
“For if you separate yourselves from the people who behaved towards you in ways that deviated from truth, then your heavenly Father will separate you from your behaviors that were a deviation from truth. But if you do not separate from those who behaved towards you in ways that were a deviation from truth, then (the relationship aspect of) your Father will not separate you from your behaviors that are a deviation from truth.

How does this understanding of forgiveness relate to sex abuse?

  • Sex abuse is a deviation from the truth of how children are to be treated.
  • When this deviation occurs the victim begins to cling to the messages spoken or implied during the abuse. Often forming a 'power of agreement'  with it.
  • If we cling to those messages we are clinging to a deviation from truth about how God loves us and who He says we are.
  • The lies we believe about ourselves become barriers to relating to God in truth.
  • If we Don't separate from those lies, he can't force us to see ourselves as he sees us.
  • And he can’t force us to relate to him, ourselves, and others in truth.
  • Therefore, we keep ourselves tied to the perpetrator, the abuse, as well as the lies and behaviors we developed as a result of sex abuse.
  • God longs for us to relate to him and others in the truth of who He says we are. This is why he urges us to ‘forgive’ or separate from those lies, misbeliefs, and behaviors.
     

Complete the following:

I always thought that forgiving the perpetrator meant____________ and that __________. 

But as I learn that forgiveness really means to separate from the deviation of truth of

____________________, It also means I need to disregard my beliefs that

_____________.Because the real truth is_________________.

Because of sex abuse, I have spent a lot of time and energy thinking that I had to forgive

or let go of____________ or God would _______________________ and

not______________. This has caused me to be afraid that _________________________.

I may not be willing to disregard the deviation from truth that says __________ because I

will also have to __________________________-. .I may be willing to disregard this

deviation from truth because I will be able to _____________________________________.