It's Not Fair - (Warning: Strong Language)

Uncategorized Feb 01, 2019

I received permission to share this journal entry from one of our Connections ladies.  At our group meeting I defined being "mindful" as being fully present as you; in touch with feelings, aware of desire, engaging in life. 

I could see the shock on her face as she had been thinking that being "mindful" was being on guard, hyper-vigilant and ready for anything. 

She shared this response at our next meeting.  It reflects the deep impact of sexual abuse and the healing connection to the anger of how it impacts life.

Be aware as you read it - the language is strong and...

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Restore the Guardrails of Sex - Self-control

Uncategorized Oct 25, 2018

For 18 years now, Connections has been working on the issue of childhood sex abuse.  Along with helping victims heal from the trauma, it has been our heartbeat to do some primary prevention and work to stop sex abuse.

I, Rebecca, have been doing some research about how the culture views sex.  I discovered some alarming information about how the feminist movement and sexual revolution set behaviors in motion that have ultimately been hurtful and diminished the sacredness of sex.

As a result, we have identified some core thoughts that if reinstated, would shift the culture.  To...

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Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Uncategorized Apr 05, 2018

The couple looks full of grace as they move across the floor, dancing slowly, embracing each other. You can feel the connection they have.  You can see how they move together and you know they have been dancing together for a long time. 

They are so in tune that it is hard to tell who is leading whom.  So entrenched are they that they are not aware of the atmosphere around them; that the dance they are dancing is dangerous for them.

They are slow dancing in a burning room.

This is a picture of the unrestored victim of sex abuse. He dances with and embraces the impact of the...

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Seeing Truth

Uncategorized Mar 06, 2018

I spent last week bingeing on movies while I nursed a cold.  I heard this statement in one of the movies and it resonated within me.  Of course I had to explore it.

“There is a sickness in people that stops them from seeing truth.”

I am dedicated to seeking truth for others and myself. I ask many questions and try to think critically and creatively.  I totally believe that finding truth sets you free to make sound decisions, uncover more of authentic identity and walk a path of destiny.  Some of the truths we have to face are disturbing.  Dysfunction,...

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Prevention 101

Uncategorized Feb 08, 2018

I am so grateful a conversation is happening around sex abuse.  And distressed at the same time. This morning some of the parents of the gymnasts abused by Nassar were transparent in their reactions.  The moderator asked the parents what could be done to prevent such sex abuse.  Hearing their responses tells me we have much work to do to shift that conversation!

Prevention means we stop it BEFORE that first touch or inappropriate comment. The current strategies we have are NOT prevention.  For example, I heard these suggestions:


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It is the Wrong Question

Uncategorized Jan 16, 2018

As still one more gymnast reveals sexual abuse by the Olympic Team doctor, I hear the question: “Why did she wait so long to tell?"

Perhaps you had the same thought.  If I were to give the benefit of the doubt as to why that question occurs, I would offer that perhaps we ask that question with a sense of regret – that if the victim had spoken up something could have been done. Even if that were the hope, the reality is that when victims tell, either the adults or the system re-victimizes them with little consequences for the perpetrator. Honestly, I do not think that reason...

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After #MeToo

Uncategorized Oct 26, 2017

It trended last week on twitter and FB.  Thousands of women and men posted, #MeToo as an indicator that they had experienced sexual trauma.  I am left wondering what kind of impact it made. Do social media trends actually change people?  

I think about the women’s march on Washington last spring and wonder what happened when all those women returned home.  Has any real change manifested?  Did the women advocate for policy change; or get active in their community to focus on issues that affect women?  What really happened as a result?

Social media and...

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Being vs Living Numb

Uncategorized Oct 06, 2017

You absolutely can choose the way you want to live! You can either live from the place of soul synchronization, i.e. your mind, will and emotions aligned and working together; a place of "being" or you can live "numb."

Here are 5 approaches that decide which path you choose.
1. Face the trauma or Hide from the trauma.

I believe that facing the trauma means that I will end up ______________________________________. Facing the trauma will also require me to _______________________________. To face the trauma I need ___________________________________________ so that...

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5 reasons to stop judging your emotions.

Uncategorized Sep 21, 2017

I’m sure you’ve heard something like this: “Smile, it will get better.”  In response you judge the sad or disappointed emotion you feel.

A recent study at the University of California, Berkley, found that embracing your darker moods can actually make you feel better in the long run. Author Iris Mauss, “We found that people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience fewer negative emotions, which add up to better psychological health.

Perhaps you judge your emotions as inappropriate and then set about trying to twist them into something else...

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3 Lies That Cause Great Suffering

Uncategorized Sep 19, 2017

The greatest source of suffering is the lies we tell ourselves.

Perhaps an astonishing sentence in light of my grasp of the evil of sex abuse and its impact.  I can say that because I know that it is the impact of sex abuse that keeps the suffering in place.  And the deep destructive impact is what you now believe about yourself.

These lies produce the greatest suffering because:

1.      The lie is a poison running through your thoughts, to your heart, emotions and behaviors.  The lie creates a paradigm that reinforces despair and hurt.  That is...

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